back in IL

draggin'

4 dias till Dragon

trestles

I just gave birth.

This little nugget of an idea has been growing within me for months now. How many of you told me "Patience, Kayla. Get healthy and then go do what you need to"? Well the waiting time is over and today a dream came to life.

One of my first projects with Reimagine is launching the "I am not my.." campaign. So often we are labeled by our illnesses, symptoms, and diagnosis. "I am not my.." serves not only as a reminder, but also a celebration, of who we truly are. A passion of Reimagine is to helping people take their lives back from cancer. I'm hoping this helps.

I was inspired by personal experiences. When I was bald I was told I was less attractive and strangers just saw me as "a bald girl". I was pretty shocked by this because I felt very confident with myself after I got used to my new noggin and I didn't realize it stuck out that much to people. I guess I was oblivious to the stares. I talked to other women about this and found out that many husbands would make their wife wear a wig to be intimate, that their relationship changed when their body changed, etc. I was pretty damn disgusted. It's a strong word but I don't know how to better describe it. After all you're going through, who has the nerve to be that immature much less vocalize it? God forbid you look a little off when YOUR BODY IS BEING DESTROYED. I realize having problems with physical appearances can have a lot to do with being unable to handle the actual situation and can show up/be expressed in other forms. When people found out I don't have nipples I heard from about how weird they thought it was. Why would I want to feel like less of a woman? And even though it doesn’t bother me, shouldn’t I do it for my future spouse?  Sorry--but I would never marry someone that loves me for my nipples. But then again, I plan on marrying a man, not a boy. So my disgust grew.

When I found out all of the things I was being labeled by I knew it meant others are/were too. I might not have nipples but I do have a big smile, I hold the SoCal record for the Blazin' Wings BWW challenge, I'm an opportunist, I act before thinking a lot of the time, and love people in big ways. Aren’t those things worth show casing? Shouldn’t we celebrate and embrace those things? If you’re going to label me, at least let me provide you with some labels to choose from.

So we're reaching out to other patients and survivors to celebrate all the beautiful things they are so everyone can forget about what they're not. A chance to celebrate? Yes. A chance to take control of something in your life? Absolutely.

We had our first event today at the Kickin' Cancer Expo in LA. Our booth invited people to name ways they were taking their life back from cancer. We had a photo booth set up where they held frames that said: I am not my...hair, cancer, sadness, scars, etc. Visitors came in, filled out their own phrase and we took their Polaroid picture in our "photo booth" and gave it to them as a memento of this special day. My favorite part was then asking them to sign our declaration wall with an I Am statement. Tell us what we can celebrate about you! My partner Cindy captured the experience with a few great moments:

1. Dozens of people had their picture taken and made an I Am declaration. 
2 . Of the people who participated almost every one of them began to cry when they experienced the power of taking their identity back from their illness.
3. One woman heard what we were doing and started crying when we invited her into our photo booth. So much that she couldn't even begin the exercise.
4. People passing by heard what we were doing and went and got their friends or family members and brought them over to us so they could experience the booth with them. 
5. A surgeon at the event asked if he could feature us on his practice website. He loved the idea of "you are not your limitation" 
6. And finally, when she stopped at the store on the way home, the deli clerk noticed our "I am not my cancer" shirts and spontaneously told her the story of his 22 year old cousin who had just died of brain cancer. He said "that message is so true. My cousin's brain cancer took over his life but it was NOT him, you know?" Yes, we know. Wow! The message of restoring people's identities during and after cancer was powerful and well received! 

Some of my favorite takeaways (other than seeing an idea come to life) were:

*Seeing the emotions spilling out of our visitors. It's selfish, but there was a comfort in seeing that I wasn't alone with the way I felt. A strong sense of community was created and there's a need to help others find themselves once again. We're all in this together.

*Dana Patti, who grew up on Austin St. with me in Downers Grove, came out to spend the day at our booth. I just found out Dana lives in LA now and we were able to reconnect out here. Dana is also a young cancer survivor and therefore an automatic source of love and safety here in California. Plus she is fashionable and I could benefit to have an influence like that in my life. Dana has such a great spirit to her and I'm so excited to see our relationship bloom :)

*Spending the morning with some of my fabulous coworkers (and more importantly FRIENDS). Love my Reimagine family!

*Watching the creation of "I am" statements. Naming something that defined them was hard for many but the ways they would light up when sharing what we could celebrate about them.. that was everything! I loved hearing about all of the mothers, daughters, singers, jokesters, and friends. No one shared who they were without a big smile on their face. 

*Having the support of my family there. There's no one else I would rather share the experience with. I was pretty nervous for the first event but our drive was full of dancing, singing, and donuts. We were laughing and having a blast. I feel like I have been taking a lot of risks lately but it's amazing how capable love can make you feel. 

When I think of my family and friends, all of the people who love me, I get so fired up to DO. On both of my desks sit pictures of my students and my room is full of the faces of people who love me. They serve as a constant source of inspiration. I was given so much love. When I replay memories from the past months (which I do almost daily) I turn into a blubbery mess because I am so humbled and overwhelmed. People went above and beyond for me and now it's my turn. The only thing I can do is to give it back. I'm trying to turn your love into ways to empower and celebrate others.  I want to make y'all proud. Love you guys so much!!

https://reimagine.me

http://www.howmanydaysuntilhockey.com/index.php?Team=CHI

Tommy Pickles and Patty Mayonnaise

https://reimagine.me/magazine/love-relationships/what-can-a-patient-do-to-support-their-caregiver.html

My two favorite caregivers:

I think about my parents a lot. I am so incredibly thankful to have been raised by these two and am humbled by their love every day. A lot of people have trouble relating to their parents or at least one of them. I've heard so many people say something about how they can't believe they're even related to them sometimes. Nothing is farther from the truth here. Any bit of sunshine in me comes from them. 

My father is a peaceful warrior. I think of the curveball life threw at him a couple years back healthwise and am impressed every day that he gets out of bed. And not just because he's still living life but because of the way he does it. When I hear his symptoms and what goes on in his body, it sounds like every minute would be a living hell. My father never complains though and goes about his day as a source of peace and joy to everyone else. A silent sufferer. A lot of people talked about the way I handled cancer with a positive attitude. I took this journey following my father's lead. His advice is always thoughtful and useful, but nothing compares to the way he leads by example. Everyone is bettered from his presence. So often I hear of the ways my father changed someone's life, from small things to big. His many accomplishments, from world records to education awards, are a reflection of his work ethic-something he taught all of his children through words and actions. He's brilliant, humble, and cracks himself daily. I love watching videos of my dad doing science shows and seeing him laugh at his own jokes. It's hard to find words to do him justice. Anyone who knows him knows the type of person he is. I have never met anyone like him and I'm not sure that I ever will. He's on a whole different level than the rest of us but still manages to be a total goofball and relatable dude at the same time. 

My dad taught and coached long hours for many years but always made his family his priority. He cared for his students and athletes like they were his own children and still never missed a swim meet of mine. I remember at the high school state meet looking up into the stands and seeing him with his shirt off, waving his "REDIG SISTERS ROCK" tshirt with the biggest smile on his face. His love is the kind that you feel and you feel it constantly. When I got sick, my dad was always there watching zombie show marathons with me and to naps in his lap. My health and happiness were always put in front of his own. He was by my side at every chemo treatment and took me for walks after each. I loved the way he'd take my hand or make my friends huddle around me if I took the stairs post treatment in case I fell in my weakened state. My father has always been there to catch me if I fall and to help me get back up. So many of us are loved by him and understand the security, peace, and joy that come from his unconditional love. His puns aren't too bad either.

I am so incredibly proud to be his daughter. 

And my mother. My best friend and my go to gal. One of the best things to that has ever happened was my mom getting a Facebook. Her statuses and comments give me a peek into her brain. So far it's been like looking into my own (so obviously I think everything she posts is hilarious). 

She a candy queen with a rock hard six pack. Ladies, how many of us look at pictures of her for motivation? We've all done it. Pattycakes lives the dream by being on a first name basis with the lovely folks in the Burger King drive thru while staying in top shape. I was raised by real life superheroes.

Most people don't know how tough my mom is because her always happy demeanor makes you think she has lived a carefree life. Cancer took her mothers life when she was young and her father's when I was a kid. She's had a brother and cousin killed in car accidents, and once again added the role of caretaker to her resume when my father's health started to decline, followed by me having cancer. When I consider the past year she has had as a mother and a wife, it hurts my heart. But like all Christiansens and Redigs what does she do? She continues onward and upward, smiling almost all of the time. I have watched my mother go through these traumatic events gracefully, always putting her loved ones first. I'm guessing her life hasn't gone at all as planned but I know she wouldn't trade any of it. She might not have chosen it, but she wouldn't trade it. She is another person that I have learned how to face adversity and overcome struggles from. My mom taught me a lot about perseverance and the power of a positive attitude from a young age as my swim coach. More importantly, she has taught me how to be strong woman and a good person through the way she lives her life. I remember the day my mom became more of my best friend than my mother. Getting sick allowed more of a motherly role to come back into play but what hasn't changed is the partnership we share. She will stand by me through everything and knows that I will do all that I can to support her as well. I appreciate the way she respects my advice as I do hers. Whenever something great happens she's the first person I call. When my heart is hurting she's the first person I call. I miss having her around every day. Life is always better when Cotton Candy Patty is there. She plays a role in my life that is so much bigger than "mom". She is my rock and the love she shares is my source of strength. I am able to love on others because of the love she has shown me.

I miss them a lot but even though we are a country apart I still feel surrounded by their love. These two are the reason I kept waking up every day and fought to live. 

Their love makes you want to stick around.

And now I want to share it with everyone that I can.

 I am so proud of my sister Kira, too, and the difference she makes in the lives of the kids she works with and the kind of friend she is. She is a beautiful example of the kind of person you can be when you grow up watching our parents. When you consider how she's had the same best friend since kindergarten, it's pretty obvious how special and consistent her love is. And she brought one of the kindest, happiest men into our family when she married Alan and we are all grateful to have him around.

I am so thankful for my parents and the beautiful family they built.

 Counting down the days until my dad and I have Speedway pizza and my earrings get stuck in my mom's ferocious mane every time we hug. We share a crazy love.
thank you for all of it
love you so much!!
<3



“This is the miracle that happens every time to those who really love; the more they give, the more they possess.”
Rainer Maria Rilke