I've never written a blog post before but I guess Kayla having cancer has led to many new experiences.
I guess I should start with my relationship with Kayla. Kayla is my big sister and my best friend. Technically we aren't related at all but maybe that's why we are so close because I chose her to be my sister, it wasn't forced upon me. We became so close when she moved out to California, when I was in seventh grade. It all started with "who's Chris":P After me pestering her for a couple months we started becoming better and better friends. From driving around in her car crying to Taylor Swift to taking naps with her and Christina I always had a good time with her. I guess I took advantage of the years she stayed with us and didn't truly appreciate spending time with her until she moved back to Chicago. I think her moving away made us closer because I appreciated her presence more.
When I found out she had cancer, I cried every night because I didn't understand why it had to be her and I was so scared. Like why do the best people get cancer. When she came to visit us I didn't cry the whole time and tried to show her that I was indifferent about her having cancer. I wanted to be strong for her. It wasn't until her last night visiting that I had a break down. So I guess her having cancer started out really rough.
When I went to visit Kayla in Chicago over the summer I started to understand the whole cancer thing. That was one of my favorite trips with Kayla because we just got to chill together and spend time talking and just relaxing. It was the first time I felt like someone needed me. I was so happy to be able to help her and when we went for walks and she would lean on me I felt important. Without her realizing it, Kayla leaning on me, helped to boost me up and helped me feel needed.
After I left Chicago I went through the "why Kayla" phase. I don't know if you have ever loved somebody so much that you wish you could have all their pain but that's how I felt. I used to get the feeling of extreme anger and confusion. I don't understand how someone like Kayla, the epitome of kindness and awesomeness, could get cancer.... Like what a slap in the face. I still get this feeling sometimes because Kayla is the best and nicest and funniest person I have ever met. The period of not seeing Kayla really sucked. I missed her so much and wished I could be with her all the time. I love talking to her and I drop whatever I am doing when she calls me. I see her name pop up on my phone and I get super excited. That sounds pretty gay but it's true. I cherish the time I get to talk to her.
Kayla visited a couple times after but the best time was when she came for Christmas. We went to the beach everyday and got to spend quality time together. The beach was like an escape. We got to go together and laugh and then go to big belly deli. The best beach day was when we went tandem surfing and we thought we popped her boob. I guess that day also sucked because my backpack got stolen but it getting stolen gave us something to do so it was fun I guess. Every time I go to the beach now I always think of my memories with Kayla.
Okay so I guess a summary of this experience should come next. Well it has been good and bad. I mean it's obviously been bad my sister got cancer. But it has taught me a lot and that is where the good comes in. I've learned to cherish my time with people and to put other people before myself. I might not be good at doing those things but know I actually try to. Kayla and I have gotten closer and this might be from her getting cancer or it might just be from me growing up. I've become more sympathetic of other people because I know what it feels like to have extreme sadness and extreme happiness. And Kayla having cancer has taught me that I have to be there for her and allow her to rely on me if I want to be a true friend. I have to be a support system. So those are the things it taught me but there is other good from it too. From Kayla leaning on me and me being able to help her my self confidence went up. Because I know I can make a difference and that I am important to people.
A lot of people helped me through this experience. I had numerous people to talk to. There were days that I would sit with Sabrina and cry or call my friend Alex and talk to him. My team really helped me and supported me. I remember hugging my friend Bri and crying for hours. I wouldn't have been able to do it without them. I wouldn't have been able to stay strong for Kayla because I would have bottled up my emotions and it would have eaten at me. I know my emotions can't compare to what Kayla feels but I like to think I might be able to relate. I had many people praying and their support meant a lot. I love updating people on my sister because it reminds me that she is getting better and that she will be okay. I still sometimes have break downs because I still don't understand why her and I don't think I will ever understand.
Overall I just have grown a lot through this experience and learned a lot about myself. So now I just have the anticipation of Kayla coming to visit and my friends are getting annoyed because it is all I can talk about. I know that we are going to have so much fun together when she comes and I literally can't wait!