Thursday, November 21, 2013

love wins!

All I wanna do is jump to present day in my journey but I'm gonna try to resist and start where I left off last.
So I survived my double mastectomy and the removal of 20 of my lymph nodes. I went into surgery Friday morning and came out fine and dandy. In the recovery room I was greeted by my father first. Apparently upon seeing him I started crying. First, I cried because I thought I didn't have boobs anymore. Once he reassured me I did, the tears started again. This time it was out of fear that my mom was going to make me start working out again now that I was out of the OR. Again, Daddo calmed me down. From then on I was just thankful to see him and see my mom once she came in and was so happy to be alive. Friday evening I was greeted by lots of friends and family, none of which I remember. I cried and reached for the hand of whoever walked into the room and was overcome with happiness. I couldn't tell everyone I loved them enough. Again, I remember  none of this. So I'm pretty happy to hear that when I am drugged out of my mind, all I wanted to do is tell everyone how thankful I am for them and how much I love them. I've heard WAY different stories from others post anesthesia.
Saturday morning my doctor noticed a hematoma in my right breast and I was brought back into surgery. What was supposed to be just a quick 30 minute procedure turned into a 2 hour ordeal of my doctor searching for where I was bleeding from. The spot was found, the bleeding stopped, and I once again in the recovery room sobbing away telling everyone how much I loved them. I am so thankful to be alive no matter what my state of mind!
The rest of my time in the hospital was spent constantly pressing my pain pump, having tons of people filtering in and out of my room, and saying ridiculous to anyone who'd listen. I was convinced that "Jess from New Girl" was my nurse and got really defensive with my guests when they tried to tell me my friend Kyle wasn't another one of my nurses. I insisted that he was my nurse and he did an outstanding job and deserved a huge thank you present. I also questioned everyone around about who had brought the movie "Baby Geniuses" for me (nobody). There were numerous times that I confessed my love for my catheter and wished to keep it in forever. Drugs are weird..
So for someone who was so worried about having to stay in the hospital, I remember none of it. Wasn't traumatic at all!
Monday night I was out of the hospital and home at my parents house. My sister drove us all from the hospital to Lockport. The drive was painful. My lovely father had a hospital bed set up for me in my basement cave and I enjoyed my last night with Brittany. Brittany is my best friend who was in town for my surgery from NYC. She took care of my parents for me and ate a ton of candy. Apparently it was actually pretty disgusting what my mom and Brit put away during the long weekend. It's amazing neither of them have cavities. I'm mostly just sad to not partake in the treat feast.
Since I've been home I've been watching a little tv, welcoming guests (LOVE VISITORS, THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT HERE), farting around the internet, and taking naps. I am up to two laps around the culdesac now and even did a little stair work out (walked up them 5 times, count it!). Online Christmas shopping has helped me kill time and I definitely have an appetite again. Kayla is coming back!
Today I received the best news of all. We trekked up to Evanston for my first post op appointment where I was told that I AM 100% CANCER FREE!!! All my labs came back clear, no more tumors remaining in any of the tissue they removed. I DON'T HAVE CANCER ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If I could raise my arms I'd throw them up and wave them around while I happy dance!! NO MORE CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!
So what does that mean? It means the treatment plan worked. The best possible outcome happened. I received the best care possible through the best plan possible from the best team possible. My treatment plan will planned. I'll start radiation in the new year and then hormone therapy after that. Basically, everything is going exactly as they hoped!!!
I couldn't have done it without you guys. WE DID IT!!!!
I am beside myself. I don't know what to do. I am overwhelmed with happiness and relief and joy. I am so blessed and thankful. I could have eaten 12 celebratory weiners today instead of the half of one I had. YOU GUYS!!! WOOO!!!! WE DID IT!!!
It has been a long, exhausted, amazing, crazy 7 months. But it's all been worth it. Every awful moment had a purpose. Every bit of help you gave was worth it. It was all worth it.
Isn't it amazing what love can do?

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